I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
