Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize