She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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