1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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