Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
