Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
