thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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