okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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