my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
