Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Randomize
