Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
