She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I think my vagina is haunted
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
