You can't motorboat a personality
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My dick has a subreddit
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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