Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
