Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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