I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
