So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
