I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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