i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
