His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
