Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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