Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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