the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
