You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
