He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
