YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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