Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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