totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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