Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
