yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
