The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Randomize
