Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
