then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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