how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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