I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
