Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
