Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
