So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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