he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
