when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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