I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
This gyro tastes like lonliness
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
