If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
