I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
