Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Randomize
