jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
