i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
