I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
