I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
