Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
