i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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