i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
