the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
