she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
its liver damage thursday
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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