Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
